| please log in to log in |
[3/17/2010+10:53pm] |
Why did I ever tune the flame down? I'm an independent woman
No one goes on my pedestal of influence but myself... evarrrr again
More than I give credit for |
|
|
| throw like gravel |
[3/17/2010+10:20am] |
Ok so this is a bit of pride. I've been up since like.... 12:45 yesterday. Close to 24 hours and still not falling apart, even after energy drink eons ago. Yeah I've done worse but not in a while and not just nonchalantly... unintentional is the charm.
Finally did English paper. Finally done with that bullshit forever. NEVER. AGAIN. Things do change. I'm inspired. That's how the fuck I feel right now
After freaking out about losing breath which didn't actually happen. Ugh don't have to be up until 4... so nice this week of finals is. Basically in break mentality now. After turning paper in by 5 I has to study for soc, then take tomorrow at 1, then do absolutely jack shit. I love how the end of every term is like summer break used to be. My arm just rose up involuntarily O.o Gonna do nothing until Sunday when mi padre and his hot Southern chick come in, I've never met the lady but from what I hear... she is kinky. Terrible things for my father to disclose to me. Actually I haven't heard anything definitive like that but she's def still kicking in her old age and leading my giddy father along with her. Please don't be a bitch. She doesn't have kids and I have no idea what he tells her about me. Last time meeting a girlfriend blew extreme balls, just saying, and he very much set up the wrong impression. We were not on very good terms. That was also about... 7 years ago. Give/take. I don't think divorce has hit me yet to be honest. Haha
Too much try? Open, loose, always... as in, always try to defy the convention or something. Let shine. Well we'll see
Is it wearing a grey shirt??
My arm jolted a bit and it hurt. I think bedtime is upon us. Nope. Jimmy Eat World for like an hour; it just happened and kept happening. I have no idea how much time has passed or why... Chris came about two hours ago (and about 14 hours ago... wink). That's not too bad. Now my hand is tingling. Hoping cig smell didn't get into hallway or anything. I've been a total asshole with smoking indoors today (usually fear of being found out and turned in cancels out inclination) and opened the window + turned the fan on + had the heat on. It got rid of the stench quickly!
I guess desolation doesn't apply. I just don't know, though. AND THE SUN SHONE BRIGHT AND THE BIRDS CHIRPED
Living across field from highway something or other. Yesterday out for smoke at 6am-ish (hehe Amish) and really dazed from lack of sleep (my schedule's seriously fucked) and all of sudden the wall of car sound starts up, just in like a second and I got paranoid about whether I was losing my mind via increased hearing capability or what. lol. No, though. Just morning rush hour. I like being awake in the morninggggg. Should go get coffee if I drank it, and tea and muffins... ugh goddamn loathe! I have nowhere to go because I'm stuck. No one to really go with either because Chris isn't expanded to these places of mind. Maybe he's not the type.
I always hate him when he comes back in the early morn. Blank boring as fuck slate and then he flicks my ladyparts and calls them "the P" I hate that. I really really hate it. Etc. Always reaching out for something and touching nothing in the morning. Dreaming into "Meet Me on the Equinox". Not because of Twilight, but because of the trailers for it. I will be more social
Then I lapse back into the same pissy trapped routine. Actually it's pretty simple... ugh. Though. He just doesn't understand a lot about me, or relate to it enough for things to work smoothly and vice versa... there's this glass between us that can't be broken apart regardless of want, for your faggy metaphor of the day. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh
Starting to get really irritable. I want to know what to do and what to think. Wait until something happens? Hope weed wasn't actually Pine-Sol-ed, because it sure tasted it. Probably best to shut up and get to sleep NOW
Want to call my mother. Want to go outside and test the coldornot. Charge iPod a must. Smoke more. Screw around like every day. JOB THINGS over spring break. And driver's license :shudder: Oh fuck I'm only going to get like six hours of sleep. 4 isn't as great as it sounded. So much want to craft! "I believe in transcending these boundaries" travel as a makeshift carnival spreading the good word of bending into wants via the un-virginity van (not a personal story) procession. Join. Does not imply the porns where girls are picked up off the street and banged like nothing, or anything of the sort
As a final thought on this journal journey. Considering Oregon Country Fair in July. It might be too unbearable though. I need to siphon elitist quota from somewhere. Idk. Just seeing bright green fronds puts me back on acid again. Could be bad vibes. Burning Man sounds better. Maybe I'll actually try to do it, haha. Trying to get involved in everything possible this summer. I'm ready |
|
|
| intensity...! |
[3/16/2010+6:14am] |
I WISH I WAS EVER TURNED ON.... NO BIG HANDS NO BIG TOUCH, no thanks. Going to fucking flirt loudly cause that's how I would rather work. Delve bitches
I don't want to be diddled by a grandmother. I don't want responsibility for sweetness and care. All that clogs the truer natures.
annoyed. How does one not learn these things? Have a little less bounce in your step. FUCK THIS IS GOING TO BE BAD... when I'm honest when it's all in front of me. I won't play that anymore....... ugh
I cannot commit to the routine
there cannot be any substitution anymore.
these are pretty definitive statements, eh? chalk that into your love-make=love-take |
|
|
| Your Innuendo |
[3/16/2010+3:56am] |
Well I mostly did it, and only at the expense of my happiness. For you see, tomorrow's stress level is going to be BONKERS. Like CRAAAAZZZZY because I refused to just think about my paper. Ergh. Earlier insights I read through were pretty alright, but that's the story of every early term when my drive's ripe toward impressing the fuck out of the world including myself with my digging abilities... I could think up some good things. Then laze gets switched on and my schedule drops right back into hell and there's really no humorous redemption here, at least in the bubble of time surrounding the present. I really don't like having midnight feel like 7pm. Daylight Savings DOES NOT HELP. Dumber than trans fats. Though my odd hours bring points in the eyes of the main squeeze (double time, now) as it warps my image more to that of Marla Singer... CHRIS LET'S GO TO THE ROXY THE SUN IS FULLY UP NAU "I'm tired" LET'S GOOOOOOOOO and we did, and stayed in bitchery the whole walk there. The Roxy, a "very Portland place" where you can acquire a "Portland FUCKING Oregon" shirt... rofl. Walls are covered in titty pictures of nameless porn folk or something, with Madonna (titties covered by cones) thrown in here and there. The food was never very good but it was one of the few places in town to get a damn decent straightforward meal. None of this $14 all-natural panini bullshit. And they're open 24 hours and I saw a tranny once
And we discovered the Pita Pit like a week before moving... and braved the mean streets of hardcore downtown to sit in with genuine hipsters and listen to loud Modest Mouse whilst inhaling the simplest sandwich ever, because you didn't know there were so many choices and everyone knowing each other really throws a wrench into outsider's ease... I was briefly upset that it had taken us so long to realize it was there, though. Always craving something at 4am, when I wasn't throwing together an apple brown betty or doing something horrible with Ramen juices. Ick.
I really <3 that summer in mah heart. Yes I recognize the heart redundancy
Today we ate at the place that always disappoints, which disappointed on Friday (as predicted; it's documented and everything) and made me illlll today. Fucking nasty waffles and eggs and ergh. Good at the time? Talked about how gross butter is in relative isolation, and I heard the first ex-girlfriend story in a while, at least about the mom that loves copious amounts of butter in everything and how scrambled eggs of her making taste like straight butter, and then I went on about how I do not adore butter at all. And Chris continued. Shaky ground for him hahaha. Shouldn't be. Just makes me more nervous. I can let go. I ordered shoes last night with text on them, put there just to see what it'd look like and then never taken off... so in 2-4 weeks I'll get Keds with an awkward-looking "Letting" on the side. Letting. It all makes sense. But yeah. I like the option of "fuck it". Little does Chris know that you're supposed to extend insults to the girl, too. Have some fun with molding the past. Insecurities don't abound! AHHHHHHHHHH. Look myself in the eyes and say that... can't. Used to be an endurance test. Now look at me!
Tenderness heights I take for granted. I thought I could lay on my house's concrete walkway sided by tall leafy things like a makeshift field listening to "Flowers" and maybe having a cat for a pillow and have him understand... unsure if that still applies. Only thing that muddled anything was ME and my twisted perceptions. I think I will not wonder. Galaxie 500 is a very odd looking band.
"Indian Summer" in that weird feather-stepping way with lips shut and eyes obviously deliberate. Mind working on dough of what's to come after waiting. I could hear it all through the house and went stepping around alone on some spring (yes, not summer or indian summer) morning preparing waiting foods in the kitchen with my intangible sureness (you know it) about the elation to come. Delicate movements so as to not disturb the waves we'd sent out. For the memory. Simply gauze.
Uh-oh, I'm tying everyone to everyone else.
I should stop reminiscing about bullshit and get on the literary analysis. Worried about canned delivery, but uhm... it seems not all that hard in general. Dare I say. Fuck! Background will not work for me. I tried it all. Later... later. Priorities, psh LOL |
|
|
| ONION on up |
[3/15/2010+6:18am] |
So I think I should get a written diary because these things... they are the MUNDANE. As in, I will never buy the cheapest razors available again. I've had a really admirable track record with not cutting myself while shaving, which went to hell tonight when I got to half-assedly scraping at my left leg with a plastic Bic; too much blood! Oh God it stung so much, and it happened toward the beginning of the shower so I had to plow the hell on and wait to bandage my wounds, which eventually happened in the form of wrapping a towel around said injured leg skin. Ewwww. Insert note to recount body realizations sometime. And the generation dissertation
And then I spent the whole day attempting to study for tomorrow's math final, confident enough etc., I'm borderline A/B and it'll determine where I fall, ohhhhhhhhhhhh... but most of the class is concerned with failing so I'm hoping a curve will put me in glory's clear anyway. Mostly confident about other two classes, have to chunk out a semi-daunting paper for English over the next two days, probably to determine A/B as well, and then soc... psh. I have a 100% in that shit, and doubt I'll fuck that up in the final. So yay. Came at least very close to pulling all As again, and in legitimate classes that actually taxed my heart and soul (not to mention mind). And what did I take out of it? Muddled. Always more muddled. No closer to major or anything, but that's research and advising appointments for another day.
Music continues to be the answer. Marvel at Gaga's age versus my own position, never gonna glitter in provocation. Bert McCracken being a natural ginger pisses me off because I've always had a slight inclination toward that trait in constructing my dreamboat, and yes I know I'm dumb. My first template was based on the imagination's rendering of a pelican from a Disney movie in the throes of romance with land-legs Ariel... erm. Age 6. Lots of fantasies to get me through the night, probably (hopefully) more for entertainment's sake than actually investing sincere want and expectancy in something(one). Having something happen randomly is canceled out when this randomness is anticipated. Durr. "Like when a dream comes true and I realize it with blank face and unenthused gut that having played it all out before completely extracted the life out of the real thing" Just because I went without attention for a long time and saw it as the ultimate in emotion swell, certain community ideals and larger spirit ideals to explore. Not for your soc-of-gender bullshits, at least not... a lot. Maybe that's what ruined me. Oh separate the slots. Anyway, I wanted longish hair and skinniness and preferably a redhead for jolly obscurity, and no blue eyes ever because everyone wants blue eyes and what's so great about them anyway? Ridiculous and insomniac and loud in demeanor, with a nonchalance... verbally pin my ass to the wall and then apologize. Find punctuation in "Again". Other things too. OVERWHELM ME.
Definitely stumbled into some skinniness, long hair, succumbed to blue eyes (and blonde hair) twice over... a lot of personality things aren't lived up to, not that I compare outright or never adjust my wants... these things just happen through time and dealings and there are some ways of structure I don't entirely understand, or want to gel with. =Not what I want in general, construct what want out of what don't (and do, though) get. OH NOES where's this going. All I wanted to say.... a twinkle of the past ahaha. Happy with what have now. Will hopefully stop having dreams about self as Angela Chase with Jordan Catalano dragging me off to make out... then boyfriend will stop giving me sad-puppy looks when I listen to 30 Seconds to Mars. Hahaha. I still HATE that that show never got fulfilled and never fcking will............
Going to order shoes I guess. I also have the I Can Has Cheezburger cat across my chest whenever I want due to shirt purchase. Greatest use of allocated funds ever. I will laugh for hours when I look down. Never going to experience the experience big boobs bring. Tack that onto my traits list, LIKE AND WORSHIP the small tits instead of just being "happy with a handful". You douches
My little preoccupations. What pathetic bullshit it's come to. Going to sit down and think about it sometime. Right. Doing laundry, worried about pissing off the owner of the wet sheets I took out by not having the time to transfer them from the washer back to the dryer, wherefore they were found... everyone here can suck my dick though. I hate this apartment jive now and am in perma flip-off mode. Not cool, at all. Will have some sort of house settlement by next week I hope. Then dream about fixing the bathroom fan and having the last straw set off by cabinets that refuse to open smoothly. I know I'll throw a tantrum with them as basis for irritation overflow someday. I'm really biting nails over the chance that it'll get snapped up before then. I really am.
Lol. Have to actually get to bed soon. Butttttttttt I'm not done yet. Unspoooool. Emotional orgasms lately more than you know because I haven't really told you. Breakfast (berry waffle sampler) split with Chris tomorrow, or so is in the plans... =up an hour earlier than I have to be. In like seven hours. Way overslept this weekend as per usual in my constant returns to benign chaos so. There we have it. All sorts of off. Gross naivete... because of not getting ass kicked by blacks in drug deal gone wrong? Or not exposing my awareness of this? Fuck
No addiction or surrounding of addiction or world travel or dead babies or early starts or monetary toil or general grit or severe mental demons or PTSD = NO PROPS, NO CHANCE... everything spews out of that and otherwise I'm just bumbling along. Which isn't a bad thing. All of this is theory anyway. Gots a comfortably broken home and about 3000 miles, minor mental demons as my scars. Reject theory
Nutrient-rich in creativity right now. Break in. I can spin anything
Remember-- lightweight |
|
|
| I don't care if nothing else goes my way |
[3/12/2010+6:42pm] |
Still have intentions for layout. Completely forgot about it until reminded with stickout side image. Done with this quarter's classes forever, still waiting to be adequately schooled in the structuring of these sentences and such. Depressing air hangs about and all you can do is push off the downpour, which will hopefully keep its distance lest its full capacity for embarrassment be felt. I really dislike this period thing when topped with srsly dreary weather. Walking the gray streets with knit hat and country musics plays through my head wayyyy too much... and I'm hoping it's coming; I could really enjoy here if I could learn the secrets of immersion, which may just be contented somber. I thought I had more bubbles than this. Chris is taking forever to clean some piece of a bong he broke (no luck with that shit) so we can go get a replacement piece and go to dinner since he has money for once.... well he came and went in the middle of that sentence and I decided not to go to the head shop part because a friend of his is going, and fuck that. Not even going to get into it. Not even going to consider eyes glazing over at numerous means by which to indulge the habit... just can't be fascinated by any of that, and quite proud of the fact. I really hate him for the weed thing lol. It's never fun trotting back from somewhere new with a clear head finding him retarded in the same red-faced way he always is, not even paying attention or having any other words than a reworking of those I just spoke. I fucking hate his constantly-sought clouds. THERE'S MORE TO EVERYTHING
Want a car that is here right now. Would drive to see my aunt or something lol. Nice to have a relative two-three hours south through a bunch of craggedy mountain passes. I really want to cry and am siiiiiiiiiiiick of this continued tone of bullshitttttttttttttttttttttttt ughhhhhhhhhhh not meant to play the sad girl this long. Now I am crying
House should be decided on by the week after next? Also going to look into apartments some. Parents driving me crazy with their sporadic bouts of shit-throwing. Let's have some honesty in this world. Looked at cute bungalow with original wood cabinets and such this afternoon, walked from campus after walking out on the Grapes of Wrath film half an hour early (so sooorrryy) past the classic professor houses up into the streets backed close to giant displays of douglas fir hillsides, dreary background to all the cheerily yellow siding. I like the feel. This place is closer but pricier than my other home-beau, so. Who knows. Will chat with buyer sometime this weekend.
Hung out at Chris' for hours last night to avoid "Girls' Night", came back here around 2 to a living room littered with party cups and bowls of nasty enchilada stuff, ugh. Heard closest/newest roommate bustling around and I moaned to be mildly obnoxious (gotta keep it alive), Chris into bathroom and I slouched on the hall floor and then ACTUALLY HEARD MOANING... like real actual moaning and then I laughed myself silly and Chris joined in, and then we went into my room where the rapid slapping of flesh came through the walls... oh gawd. Then I went into the kitchen to cook somethang and she came out with flustered face and no bra and thanked me for cleaning the bathroom for her even though it was quite unnecessary and she's dirty too, and I told her it was no problem, I was glad to have a reason to clear out the disgustingness if nothing else, and was glad this made an impression on her because maybe... just maybe I'll decide not to enforce standoffish cunt inclination and instead actually try to branch into the hearts of others... and then I kept fiddling with my spatula thinking she was going to apologize for the sounds or something rofl but no, she apologizes for no one telling me even though the circumstances were dire, and I was like ooohhhh noooo it's cool, but yes some notice other than her sticking her newly-acquired key into the lock at noon would have been nice but yeah... then later she and her fuck-friend came into my room and we all sat on the bed and passed teh bongsie. I had that experience in here officially, how weird. Everyone awkwardly poking each other with the standard questions, we're a nice bunch, aren't we.
No mas My So-Called Life. I especially worshiped that show the second time around and was reallllly sad to see it go. The finale sucked chode all the way through, though; suddenly Crimson Glow is highly susceptible to the flitty "insights" of her male peers and doesn't offer like (heh) any narration and is just this dumb bitch being led about by these either poetically challenged or endowed creatures and has no developing substance otherwise at all which is LIKE the basis of the whole damn thing... anyway it was disappointing and I cried at the wholly unsatisfying nature of the situation (the fact of ending and the ending itself) and Chris cried (as he always does) when Brian Krakow gets royally fucked over.
One of the greatest tragedies. NEVER GONNA GO BACK. I have to get the bus soon and might as well get high (YOU HYPOCRITE) and then gather my shit and go stand in teh rain. I won't even feel it by the time I get to campus. To eat at the restaurant that always disappoints but that always sounds way too good to turn down. Hmhmhm. I wish I knew the exact time I have to leave. Alright well. |
|
|
| FUCK COLLEGE |
[3/11/2010+8:06pm] |
I have to do this quickry
ARE YOU READY FOR THIRSTY THURSDAY???????????!!!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE MY ROOMMATES HAVE BEEN CELEBRATING IT FOR THE PAST THREE WEEKS AND TONIGHT IS NO EXCEPTION I think anyway, because "the fat one" asked Chris this morning whether or not he was ready. Hence my inspiration for the beginning of this hate-spirited entry. There is the chance to be happy. I know this. I am. I seriously am. I just hate parties of ex-high schoolers (it's the only way to describe accurately) playing complex beer pong and almost getting into fights until like 3am. And then using my bathroom and all my eggs (the kind in the fridge). I participated the last two times to a minor extent and nothing remarkable came of it. My roommates' friends are more encouraging of my + boyfriend's participation than the roommates themselves, who basically don't even speak to us while we're there, haha. "Pong" could be one of those skills to attempt to casually acquire during these years where opportunities are all too prevalent, but... no. I don't need that in my arsenal. And I can bounce just fine. So yeah. Chris gets along with them better than I do because he's just like that, and I'm endlessly paranoid about this one girl who smoked a bow(e)l with us in my room during the last (MONDAY... of dead week) party, all by her lonesome... meh. And then the next day I'm jostled out of sleep by her relating her story about her house burning down to one of my roommates and omg, today she fucking moved in. So I'm no longer alone on this side of the quad with Chris, who is basically accepted as a roommate here anyway... now I have to spray after shits and worry about when I'll be able to get my contacts in in relation to leaving for class, ugh. These tight schedules and comfortable routines. I'm planning on establishing myself as standoffish and then keepin' the fuck on with that. Who wants to branch out anyway. Suckage. Oh, and she and the other two girls know each other from growing up in Pilot Rock, across the state... small town bitches all bonding together under my roof. Blechh. Well, it must have been meant to be... the crafty (story for another day) lesbians who met the year before or these cunts. I guess they're not all bad. But this arrangement didn't turn out as I wanted, and NO ONE ASKED ME if she could move in. Distributing the fuck-yous. Anyway, going to rush off and play Rollercoaster Tycoon at Chris', where his roommate-of-my-dreams apparently gandered at the utilities slip I doodled on like two weeks ago and took it over to the coffee table... where he folded it in half. Lol. Idk if that's how it went down but yes ok it was sort of an experiment to see if anyone would pay attention to it. And they did. I rediscovered it today and made it into a fortune teller. Haha. Soooo going to go relax. :) |
|
|
| mario party is how i learned left from right |
[3/10/2010+2:42am] |
Sort of freaking out! Semi-redundant matter: I didn't know birth control made predicting period time so easy until like last year, after two years of pilling... and that was just a nice thing to know and store away in my bank of worldly knowledge. Only within the past few months have I started deviating from anticipating by calendar days and instead going by what row of pills I'm on, still with some ignorance about how exactly they work, mainly because I know the basics of them and have yet to be proven wrong via any unwanted bodily reaction. So yeah. Usually two to three pills into the last week I start bleedering and that's that... a short and sweet menstrual experience. Except I'm going on fourth later today and have yet to encounter any bloodshed. What the helllllllll. I used to not really care at all/keep track, and am used to having shifts in timing, but all of that is null and void at this point in time... since the strict attention to regulation was called into order. Boob soreness at the appropriate times, bitchiness can't even be traced to anything specific anymore if that's even a solid assertion in the first place, slight cramping but whatever, erm... nothing out of the ordinary. Boob soreness makes me feel a bit better, but I'd rather just get my damn sentencing already and quit seriously biting my nails over the possibilities. If I didn't have the explicit pill routine to go by I wouldn't even be bothered, probably. So I probably shouldn't be now. Yeah. Every once in a while some shifting (especially only in terms of a few days) is to be expected or at least shrugged at, yes? I hope so. I would somewhat rather baby than horrible organ peril, just to have that pinned down and be relatively easy to deal with... would rather not think about until I have to. Not going to look into self-diagnosis via Google links. Will call Mother and unleash some anguish tomorrow.
Otherwise. Intending to change layout, and might tonight, lol. I'm not going to maths this week until Friday so I don't have class until 3 tomorrow... and the night is still young. Going to continue on stupid shouldn't-be-a-quest quest for carryshit items. Bags and accessories and such on teh Etsy. Yay week before finals, the week before spring break. Reconsidering summer trip home, since I'm imagining myself bored and restless out of my mind. I can only soak up the crickets and humidity and night guitar ventures with a tightly contented face for so long, probably, and I really don't want the pressure of seeing people I don't feel the need/want to impress anymore, because this is some basis for picking up friendships where they left off and WELL I'd rather leave a lot of them to slowly die out (further). We have all grown apart. Repeat. If we ever related well in the first place. Why waste the time on forcing the nostalgically-enhanced "good times" to pour out all over again. Leave me the fuck alone in my haus with cats and weary de-nesting wonderments. Plus I dislike flying, and navigating SFO all by my lonesome... dude. It's not the intimidation factor as much as it is the confusion... I never have any idea what to do there and don't want to worry about persuading people to let me ahead in the security line or trying to find out how to get to the domestic terminals when for some godforsaken reason we came in at the ass-end of international. It's all learning experience though. Gag.
Last trip... missed connecting flight boarding time by about ten minutes at SFO. Lied to by Eugene crew about San Francisco holding a long list of planes for us... and of course mine wasn't included in the list. So landed, forced to go outside and walk/run amidst concrete construction for too long, go through security again and pointlessly but allowed ahead by concerned fellow travelers, literally run to gate, find out plane just stopped boarding. Oh my fucking God I lost my mind. Always great under transit pressure. Usually yes... but not when in mindset of "I JUST WANT TO GO HOOOOME I HAVEN'T BEEN HOME IN SO LONG" . Burst into tears at service desk, thinking going to be on red eye or something later that night or something else the next morning, I think tears + Chris work out some easy accommodation and we're directed to the seats behind us to wait less than 15 minutes for a flight to Phoenix. Phoenix! I'm still shaken at these atrocious circumstances, which briefly goes on hold while Chris points out some nearby guy who looks a lot like an aged Tony Hawk. And we deduce that it is indeed him. Then I resume blubbering and profanity in front of children and call my parents who, being versed in these matters, tell me "it is what it is" and to calm down and just take it step by step. Lol I was ridiculous. So we board, ass-end of the plane, I haven't eaten or slept in a fair amount of time and there's the stress factor and I'm thinking I'm going to die, but I stfu and our crowded AZ plane takes off and omg, Phoenix! Some substantial amount of hours out of the way (down and then diagonal versus straight across), but it's hella cool to be gazing at cacti and ugly mountains and buildings at hot late afternoon (orange everywhere!)... I'd been to Phoenix twice before and felt some awed connection to it. Really sad after leaving the one time. So I kid-in-candy-stored around and bought a commemorative ashtray and then boarded and yeah, home, like hours late. I meant to recap this story for personal recollection earlier. Here it is, self
Religiously watching My So-Called Life lately and oozing over Jordan + Angela. I feel this show way deeper now than before, in like pre-kissed days at 4am on The N. Less hope now, lol. High school made interpersonal interaction way more clear-cut and opportune... guaranteed to see someone, to have ample and seemingly endless chances to make your way into their path, dress differently and walk halls differently and all sorts of casual but structured and mandatory things to fit all these possibilities into. Now I have to venture into these situations on my own, with my own lack of guiding light. BLECHHH
Going to bed before 4. Going to bed before 4. Have to stop typing so Chris can sleep and pass his exam because he gon fail the class if he don pass it. Ergh. Is this it? Probably
20 mins later: AHA! Bleedin' |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[3/7/2010+5:54pm] |
|
I guess it's an intimidation factor, anyone who's had to go through it.... how the process worked in all stages, the aftermath and how it seems later on... maybe some dumb badass points. WHAT THE HELL |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
butter_knives's journal